& so it is

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if only shame could wash us clean
but that is never how healing works
nobody ever won anything from anyone
thinking the whole world was out of their league
i’m sorry you know
what i look like when no one is looking
i don’t expect anyone to believe in justice
and forgiveness at the same time
if it’s any consolation i feel like a ferris wheel
in snowbank twenty years after they shut down the park
if it’s any consolation i live in my head
whenever anyone tells me i have a good heart
and i think about you, i think about you

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I used to think that I could never lose anyone if I photographed them enough. In fact, my pictures show me how much I’ve lost.

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And Max, the king of all wild things, was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all.

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Vincent Van Gogh used to eat yellow paint because he thought it would get the happiness inside him. Many people thought he was mad and stupid for doing so because the paint was toxic, never mind that it was obvious that eating paint couldn’t possible have any direct correlation to one’s happiness, but I never saw that. If you were so unhappy that even the maddest ideas could possible work, like painting the walls of your internal organs yellow, than you are going to do it. It’s really no different than falling in love or taking drugs. There is a greater risk of getting your heart broken or overdosing, but people still do it everyday because there was always that chance it could make things better. Everyone has their yellow paint.